Lila Loved & Lost

By: Carolyn Mackley - 12 years old

 

This story is dedicated to my beloved first horse Lila. I loved and always will love her. I'll try to keep this story short.


I'd never thought of ever having a horse of my own, I actually had never even ridden one until we were looking to buy one. I searched everyday on all the horse websites, and in the newspaper for my new horse. This horse just had to be perfect right? I did all my research about grooming, care, feeding, etc. I fell in love with the idea of having a horse.

Well, finally my mom and I desided that we were going to try a rescue ranch in Los Lunas, NM. We drove all the way down there, about an hour from where we live, and looked at the "adoptables". I wished I could take everyone of them home, they all had their own stories, and past. I rode two of the three, one was a lot better ride than the other, but I couldn't decide on just that. I groomed both of them, the better riding horse first. I loved her, but it just "wasn't there". When I groomed the second horse, a sweet, older arabian mare with arthritis, my mom watched. My mom looked into her eyes and knew that this was the horse. We wrote the ranch a check, and set up a time and date to pick up my sweet horse.

My sister also fell in love with another of the three horses, a gentle,sweet, gray, quarterhorse, gelding. You see the gelding was younger and could do more, and was worth much more. So we got my, life changing, horse for $200 along with the gelding. It didn't matter to me that she couldn't go much faster than a walk, because I didn't need a horse to do barrels on, all I wanted to do was go on a trail ride. We went home, I was just so excited as you could imagine. Two weeks later we borrowed a trailer and left to pick her up. We were just picking her up because it was going to talk longer to pay for the gelding.We decided what to name the horses, Samson, aka Sammy and Delila, or Lila. Lila was picture perfect, I remember everything about it. How on the way home I would peek back to just catch a glimps of her beautiful face, and how excited I was for the future. I remember the exact date, April 21, 2004.

When we finally got back to the stable it was dinner time. She was still nervous and a little scared of the other horse that she was going to share her pen with, so I hand fed her, her grain, with her arthritis medicine in it. I loved her so much. I took care of her extremly well, fed her on time, and the right food, groomed her everynight, and picked up after her everyday. I worked hard, carrying grain bags, and moving hay bales, I gained muscles I didn't know I could. I loved owning a horse, taking care of her and being with her. The one thing that I didn't do, that every other horse owner did.............Ride. I don't know why, but I hardly ever rode my sweet little mare. Her arthritis wasn't that terrible the first few months but I still just didn't want to ride. The few times I did, I enjoyed, but Lila seemed to suffer, her joints would hurt her after being ridden.

Well, finally we finished paying for Sammy and brought him home, things changed again. Lila, once again, was pushed down the chain of command. She was bossed around, bit, and kicked. I hated her being picked on, but there was nothing I could do. When I started to become a better rider, by getting lessons, I wanted to ride more and more, but Lila wasn't up to being ridden. So we decide to buy Chase, a beautiful, younger, bay, half arab, from the same ranch as Lila and Sammy. Chase was the perfect next step for me, he could run, jump, buck and be a silly,young horse, but he was a gentleman to ride. I was so thrilled that Chase, and Lila became friends, but not just friends Chase protected Lila from the other horses, getting pretty beat up himself along the way. No matter what he loved her, and stood by her. Watching out for her and always putting himself between her and the other horses. Life continued wonderfully, and peacfully, till winter.

When it started to get cold, Lila's arthritis started to get worse, and worse, and I realized that she was in pain. So we called the vet, and he told me devastating news. That he thought Lila was just a lost cause, with no hope, she was old and useless. I wouldn't take that. We gave Lila the royal treatment she got hot-bran mash with medicine and carrots, and got a new blanket, and polo wraps for her legs. We rubbed oils, and healing treatments on her legs and joints, and it worked, she seemed better, and happier.

In early April Lila started to get bad again. So we just gave her more medicine, and use some more oils. Nothing helped, no matter what I did she didn't seem to get better. She could barely walk, she couldn't even get to her food. I was heartbroken, but I knew what I had to do. I had to put my sweet, beautiful, gentle, first horse down. I couldn't bring myself to say it, to do it, but she was miserable and needed me to let her know it was ok. Ok to go to leave me, and to be happy.

The vet scheduled the worst day of my life, like no problem, I was torn to pieces, crying and just making myself sick. I hated life I wished it didn't have to happen. Why me? Why my horse? Why? I hated everything, and none of my friends understood. They just didn't get it, they thought of this as just something I'd get over, some "no big deal" problem. I felt like everything on the planet should stop, everyone should be upset. My mom understood, but I still felt alone. On April 15, 2005, six days before our one year anniversary, I said good-bye, looking into her beautiful eyes, and walked away. My heart tore into ten thousand pieces, I couldn't walk, couldn't breath, I wanted to just go away. On April 16, 2005, at 10:30 am my beautiful girl was taken away from me. I was sitting in my room, crying, at the time she left, I knew it when she was taken because my horse wind chime moved and I felt her presence with me.

The thing that kept me going after she left was knowing that one day I will see her agian, and all other people and animals I loved, in heaven where she doesn't feel pain. Everytime there is a thunderstorm, I feel my beloved Lila's presence, as I hear her running across the clouds in heaven, being the free, pain-free, beautiful, two year old filly she always dreamed of. Lila I love you and you will always be in my heart, and I can't wait til the next thunderstorm when you will touch my heart, like you always did. I love you.